Friend advice

From: C

Second Chances

If someone has done or said something mean to you....do they deserve a second chance?

Anny

When thinking about this question, I like to put myself in the other person's place. If I made a mistake, and I was sorry and apologized, would I feel I deserved a second chance. I think most people would say yes. Would you want someone to give you a second chance? True repentance means your friend will not repeat the same offense. Repentance can only work if someone is willing to Forgive. Forgiveness is an important characteristic to develop to help relathionships endure through hard times. If someone isn't really repentant, they will repeat the wrong, and then you will be justified to end the relationship.

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From: N5C6O2E

Self Destructive Behavior

If I see someone doing something that could seriously harm them, but they told me not to tell, what should I do? Should I tell someone or should I keep it a secret like they've asked me to?

Anny

This is a hard situation to be in. Because you care about this person, the very reason that you care, would be why you would tell someone. You need to find an adult you trust that can help the person you know. Caring nore about the person's well being is more important than keeping secrets. You may lose this person's friendship, but isn't that better than losing the person? You risk losing the relatiosship which is important to you, but "telling" in this situation is not breaking a confidence, you are protecting someone you care about.To me,this is what friends are for. Hopefully, in the end, they will thank you later for intervening. I hope someone would do that for me if they saw me on a destructive path,

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From: Gabielle Gardner

Forgetting and Moving On

Hey, this is not something so serious, as it has not gotten seriously out of hand, but... yet it still bugs me from day to day. To sum it up, I became close to this girl in school, & soon we became "best friends," however, what I didn't know is that she had been spreading rumours, getting others to dislike me. Once I was put down to the bottom, she literally abandoned me, leaving me (in replacement for a girl of whom she claimed "hated me") & we just fell apart. Now that I think of it, I'm glad that she pulled away from me, as this made me realize everything that was going on & allowed me to see things clearly. I'm now able to stand on my two feet again, but she's not completely out of my mind. Like, whenever I'm at my lowest she'd it into my face, but really slyly, if that makes sense? I'm not sure how to put it into words, but I just can't find a way to just forget everything & move on when she's in all of my classes & I sit next to her in some of them. This problem's quite pathetic, but I really just wanna find a way of moving on? Love ya x <3

Anny

I'm sorry to hear that someone would treat you that way. I haven't been in that situation, but I have had to deal with haters. It is hard to understand. The hurt will probably never go completely away when you think about this situation or see this girl, but I feel like you are doing a good job moving on. Stepping back and seeing the relationship for what it really was, and accepting it is a mature thing to do. Moving forward, you surround yourself with friends that are positive and inspiring and that you feel you can trust. Friendships can make or break a person and real friends help you become the best person you can be. If you are happy, you are probably hanging out with the right group of friends. I think it is meant for us to never entirely forget a situation because we learn and grow from our trials and remembering helps us make good decisions moving forward. Stay strong. <3

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From: pheep

Scared to open up

hi anny my name is pheep and i am scared to open up because im afraid of rejection and a laughing in my face or becoming rivals afterward

Anny

Opening up is scary when you don't already know and trust someone. Begin from neutral. Get to know people by being yourself and see and how they respond to you before you trust them or don't trust them. Everyone is always showing us by their actions how they feel inside too. So you can better gauge how they feel and open up when you feel safe. Sometimes it took me opening up and being vulnerable for someone else to open up to me.. They felt scared too but when you show them that you trust them, it's easier for them to feel safe to open up too!

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From: Alexis

Friends

Hey tiff i have this friend and we have been friends but nowbthat we are growing up we are also growing apart.i dont wanna loose her but it looks like its going to happen...is there a way to avoid it?

Anny

Growing up means change! Our bodies change, our interests and values change, our school may change, our home may change, and sometimes our friends change. It's hard when friendships change. Sometimes you just can't avoid it, but you can avoid taking it personally. Don't get down on yourself, or get down on your friend. Be compassionate with yourself, and toward your friend. Give yourself extra leisure time in your schedule, to just be alone, and to feel your feelings about growing apart. Feeling sad is something that doesn't feel good and it's easy to try to avoid it. But avoiding feeling sad can create addictions because you'll continue to try to avoid and avoid and avoid feeling sad. Losing a good friend is sad! Growing apart is sad! Grief is an emotion that can take a lot of energy. Grieving is how our mind and our body stay healthy when we experience a loss of something we value. Do you know that tears release stress hormones? The grief we feel is equal to how much we value what we've lost. Honor your friend and the great friendship you had by spending time alone, feeling your feelings. Honor your heart, and honor your friends' heart. Namaste'! ;)

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From: sharmile

Friendship

Hey tiffany, last year i broke up with a really close friend, we haven't spoke or seen each other since school finished and i just wanted to ask if the pain will ever go away. Im constantly reminded of her all the time, when im looking through old pictures i find hers, when im having a clear out i find things that remind me of her, even stupid things like oreos remind me of her and i just want to forget and move on but somethings preventing me and i dont know what it is! i want her to be happy but i want to be happy to and i feel like i cant be without her in my life.

Anny

A friendship that breaks-up, for whatever reason, is painful. It can seem like the pain will never go away. Little things can be big reminders that make it seem like you'll never get over it and be able to move on. I have been there, so I understand. Sometimes pain lingers because you don't have closure; you think it's over, but you didn't leave your friend in 'good shape'. Sometimes breakups are messy or mean. When you make sure the person you cared about is in good shape, it heals your heart too. You don't need to get involved again, but there may be something still to do or say that is trying to get your attention! Truth is relentless! It won't give up until you pay attention to it. Whether your close friend is meant to be with you, or not, make sure she is happy, so you can be happy. Find out if there'something she needs from you. (An apology, a well-wish for her happiness, permission to move on.) Providing this may be just what YOU need to move on. ;) And remember that pain diminishes with time. You can be thankful for the good times you had and how the relationship helped you grow. The time you had together was not wasted and you can be thankful for it instead of feeling hurt.

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From: William

Leadership and self-confidence

Hi Tiffany. I'm a person who likes to take charge in group settings, but I can only do so when my friends are involved. If my friends aren't in the group, I tend to freeze up, and I don't know what to do, but all my classmates know that I have good grades, and come to me, hoping to form a group or receive help. Placing me in a situation where I have to pick who to help, which makes me feel like I hurt the other people who I didn't choose. Presentations are the worst, as I'm very shy and nervous in front of crowds. Do you have any tips for helping to take charge and overcoming my shyness?

Anny

You sound like a super friendly, generous, helpful, person! Your friends are lucky! I'm not sure if the group setting you mentioned is for working as a group in the classroom on a class project or if the group is formed for help outside the school classroom setting. You are kind not to want to exclude anyone and that you care about their feelings. Maybe you could let those you didn't choose for your group know you will try to work with them on the next project. Remember that working with others you don't know well means you have a chance to make new friends, and that's a good thing! Since it's a group, make sure to make it a group effort so all the pressure isn't on you. Listen to and value everyone's ideas. That is what great leaders do. Listen, encourage, value, acknowledge, and collaborate. Everyone has a voice. When I write songs, the songs are always better when I work with other songwriters and we all bounce ideas off of each other. The more ideas, the better the concept or theme comes together. Helping others seems to come naturally to you. When you're giving a presentation, remember, it's a super efficient way to help a lot of people at the same time. Just take a deep breath and blow away the nerves. Can you ask some of the kids in the group to help and make the presentation with you? Or you could be in charge, like a movie director, as they do the presentation? It is also very, very true that "Practice makes perfect." You will get less nervous over time with each presentation. The normal pre-presentation butterflies are a good thing and keep you on your toes to do your best! ; )

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